My Baby is a Big Girl

Marissa just celebrated her first birthday earlier in the month, which, honestly, makes me feel a little sad. Because I'm selfish like that. She blew in the general direction of her first birthday candle, ate her first birthday (cup)cake, and opened her first birthday presents (okay, Mason did most of that, but she was there). And during each of these little milestones, I got a little weepy. She's not a little baby any more. She's a big girl.

 

More recently, she's decided that she is ready to walk. It isn't a constant thing yet, but she's doing it more and more every day with fewer wobbles and fewer unplanned falls. She claps for herself and I cheer, then Mason declares that he can walk too (then does so all wobbly, like his baby sister... he needs praise too, okay?). And then I get a little weepy. She's not a little baby any more. She's a big girl.
Marissa is my baby, and we're 99.9% sure that she always will be (thanks to a little procedure Landon underwent on my birthday weekend last year). And while I'm happy with the size of my family, I still feel sad that this is the last time we'll be doing all this... the first birthdays... the first steps... the first everything. It's so precious and so amazing and such a blessing to get to share in these moments with your children. And so, I feel a little sadness with each milestone checked off the milestone chart.
So today, I choose to feel grateful that I am blessed with the opportunity to celebrate these milestones with not only one, but two, of my own, beautiful, amazing kids. There are many couples out there who long for just the chance to participate in these life events, and who probably cherish them with much greater happiness than I if/when given the opportunity. There are still a lifetime of first yet to happen with both of my kids, and rather than feeling sad for those that are in the past, I choose to feel grateful for the memories with which I have been blessed as well as for the opportunities for new challenges, changes, and growth that lay ahead.

I am not a morning person . . .

. . . but apparently, two night owls (me and Lando) produced two morning kids. This often has the effect of us being awakened in the morning to our kids (well, really just Mason) standing next to our bed and demanding that we wake up. This morning, it was actually being yelled at me down the hallway. "MOM! RISSA IS AWAKE REALLY EARLY! I HEARD HER LAUGH A LITTLE!" I know. Not cool. It's bad when even the three year old knows that it is "really early."
Anyhow, I am writing this morning to remind myself what a blessing it is for me to get cuddles from my kiddos, even if it is "really early" in the morning. I have found that it just gets my day off to a better start when I get to enjoy some family snugs (as we like to call them) before the official start of the day. It makes me feel happier and more connected to the people I love. And I can't think of a better way to kick off any day of the week. I mean, come on! How mad can you be when it's these two cuties waking you up in the morning?

Beauty in the World Around Me

I like to pretend that I'm a good photographer. I figure it's one of those things where you just do it a lot, and sooner or later, it will click. Last night, as I was uploading and editing the latest batch of photos, I put together the following collage:When I first got my digital SLR, I mostly took pictures of people (i.e. my kids). Now, I find that I am seeing more of the beauty in the world around me. I find that I am appreciating the tiny details and sometimes the not so tiny ones as well, and that in seeing this beauty, I am a happier person.
Today, I feel grateful for the beauty in the the world around me. And my camera. ;)

Gratitude in the New Year

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed with life since we rang in the New Year. Lando's been pretty busy at work since around Thanksgiving, and we're now on cold three since about the same time (I think it's number 8 since Mason started school in August). I guess my coping skills just aren't the best because I've just been feeling a little stressed and out of sorts. And I have a super annoying habit of hiding when I'm feeling stressed and out of sorts, which is why I've never gone back and fixed my New Year's post, even though it needs to be finished. It's also why I am currently blogging instead of attacking the mess that is my house since I've been sick this week. I'm sure Landon is pleased.
A lot of my stress has been focused on Landon. When he is working a lot, I start feeling like I'm the only one being a parent to our kids. And when I start feeling like I'm the only one being a parent, the task of parenting feels very overwhelming to me. And then I start yelling more than normal. And I feel supremely frazzled at the end of the day. And then I am a wreck by the time Landon gets home. And I want to tell him that I didn't mean to marry my dad.
So, it's time for a little perspective.
Landon became a lawyer for two reasons, as far as I can tell. Reason #1 -- he thought it would be something at which he could likely excel. It is a good match for his strengths and his intelligence. Good call, Lando. Reason #2 -- he knew he could make a good enough living at it to be able to support his family on a single income. He has done an exceptional job of providing for us, all by himself, with no help financially from me. Good call #2, Lando. Now, it's important for me to remember that Landon did not become a lawyer because it is something about which he feels passionately. It's not something he does because he just loves to do it (although he certainly enjoys it a lot more now at his current job than at the old one). He doesn't work long hours because he's a workaholic or because he's married to his job. Landon does what he does every day for me and for our two children. He does it so we can live a reasonably comfortable life where one of us parents is actually doing the bulk of raising our kids instead of putting them into day care. He does it because he wants to do everything he possibly can to take care of us. He does it because he loves us.
This week, Landon had a ton of deadlines. We knew that he was going to be working a ton. But, for some reason, he's not the one that went into the week grumbling about it. I was.
On Thursday, I had a really bad headache (turns out, I was just getting a cold). I was miserable most of the day. I finally called Landon and asked him to come home early. He came home and took care of the kids and of me. Friday, the cops were at our door right as we woke up from naps, certain that there was a fugitive in our home. Landon got a call that evening from a very shook up wife. Again, he came home early and took care of us. And what did Landon get for two nights of coming home to take care of his wife and kids in a row? He got to work on Saturday. He got to work after letting his sick wife sleep in for a few hours in the morning. And how was he rewarded this morning? With his crazy ass wife telling him she needed to sleep in again because the baby had been up all night (she's sick now too).
Landon is right. He is under-appreciated and under-supported. He takes care of everyone else all day and is rarely ever taken care of himself. This is not okay. This is, in fact, bordering on criminal.
The thing I need to do this year, right this very moment, is to show my husband the appreciation and support he deserves. I need to remember to be grateful for him every day, and he needs to know how grateful I am for him and all that he does.
Landon, I appreciate you. I am so grateful for everything you do for our family and for me personally. You are more than I could have hoped for in a husband. You are my best friend and my greatest teacher. I am so, so lucky and so, so grateful that I get to be your wife.
And, I love you. I.E.U.

For the New Year

After looking at my last post, Landon informed me that "(I)'ve lost focus." So, in an effort to find my focus, I would like to write about some of my many blessings from the past year and also a bit about what I hope to find in the new year.
2008 was a vast improvement over 2007. I started the year with a bang, bringing Marissa into the world on the 5th of January. That was pretty awesome. Despite a rough couple of months, she has been a blessing that only people with kids can understand. She brings me so much joy and fills my heart until I think it might just explode. Marissa makes me laugh and laugh, and has made our family feel complete. I am so, so grateful that Marissa came to live at our house. She is definitely a keeper.
Unlike 2007, no one close to me was diagnosed with any serious diseases. No one I love tried to die (repeatedly). Instead, my nephew turned the corner in his fight with cancer and is nearly finished with his chemo. Given the odds he faced, it's pretty amazing that he made it through. He looks awesome. I'm so grateful that he is still with us.
Something that continually blesses my life is Landon's job. Landon found a great job back in Sacramento. His job has provided us with the opportunity to be back near our families, which is something we all enjoy on at least a weekly basis. His job has continued to allow me the blessing of being a stay-at-home mom, for which I am often not grateful enough (but I'm working on it). His job has allowed him the opportunity to learn how to be a "real" lawyer and not just some cog in the machine that is a large corporate firm. His job has allowed him to be around people who value their families as much as we do, and who expect him to be a part of his kids' lives (and don't make jokes about how his kids won't know/recognize him... gosh that was so upsetting and creepy!). Most important of all, Landon's job has allowed him to feel happy with the fact that he has to go to work every day rather than feeling constant stress and frustration. This change has been such a huge blessing in my life because Landon is Landon again. What a huge blessing for us both!
Mason started school this year, which has been a blessing for the whole family. He was definitely ready for the challenge and the structure preschool has provided. We were fortunate enough to find a school that is well-respected and that Landon and I both love just down the street from our home. We love Mason's teachers and can see him growing academically (if it can be called that at this point), socially and personally. It has been wonderful for Mason to have the opportunity to be in school. It has also been a wonderful opportunity for Marissa and I to have some one-on-one time alone together. When we were deciding whether to have another child, part of me felt that because there would necessarily be another kid to take care of, it wouldn't be fair to my second child since I wouldn't be able to devote to him/her the time I was able to devote to Mason. Mason being in preschool has resolved much of that anxiety (and I've since rediscovered the blessings that come with your kids having siblings). Finally, it's been a great opportunity for me to have a little more time to get my work done, to rest, and to generally rediscover myself a bit.
I think the last really big thing for me this year was touched upon earlier, but I'd like to go into a little more depth about it here. Being back near my family has been a huge blessing for me. I think that if we had not moved before Marissa was born, I would have de facto moved up while she was a newborn. My mom, my sisters, and my mother-in-law are who kept me sane while Marissa was in the midst of her colic/acid reflux. I honestly don't think I would have made it on my own back in the Bay Area. Since those early days, though, we have really enjoyed being back with our families. It has afforded us the opportunity for our children to grow closer to their cousins.