not so great with words

I just realized that my last title included "putting out," which, in retrospect, was probably not the best choice of words. Anyhow... that's okay. It's not like anyone reads this but me.
Right now, I'm really appreciating my husband. For some reason, he decided that doing the dishes is a job he can help me with. Which is super friggin' awesome. Because I hate the dishes. A lot. So he's done the dishes the last two nights. Awesome. He's down there right now scrubbing something hard enough that I can hear the scrubbing side of the sponge rubbing on what ever surface he is cleaning. I love that. A lot. A whole, whole lot.
I'm sure lucky to be married to that guy downstairs who is scrubbing so hard.
: )

putting out... getting back

I am a brat. I am constantly looking at my situation trying to find ways in which it could be better. . . "This new townhouse is great, but it sure would be nice to have a garage. . ." or "I love my new camera, but a longer lens would be so much better. . ." Landon has spent the better part of the last ten years trying to do everything in his power to give me what I want only to feel afterward like he shouldn't have bothered because it never has been quite good enough. I like to blame this personality trait on my dad because he is the sort of person who is always trying to make things better. He is very critical of himself and pretty much everyone else, and I think it is definitely a personality trait that he passed on to most of his 7 kids. Today, however, I am going to choose to stop blaming that flaw on my dad and start taking ownership of my own inability to be grateful for what I have.

I have been working really hard the last few weeks on doing the little things that mean a lot to Landon. I've cooked dinner more in the last month than I did in probably the six months previous. That, alone, is huge for Landon. I've tried to do a general pick up of the house before Landon gets home at the end of the day. I've tried to be the one up with the kids in the morning so Landon can get a little more sleep since I have the opportunity to nap with the kids later in the day. I've tried really hard to pay attention to my personal appearance rather than looking like I just rolled out of bed. And I've worked hard on being affectionate and intimate with Landon every day, not just when I feel up to having sex. All of these things seem small, but I can tell what a difference they have made on my husband.

I have found that when I make dinner, I have a husband home by 6:30 to eat with us as a family. I have found that when the house is picked up, my husband is happier and better able to enjoy some time playing with the kids in the evening. I have found that when I get up with the kids during the week, my husband lets me sleep as much as I want on the weekend. I have found that when I put on some decent clothes and wear a little makeup and jewelry, my husband can't stop hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am. And I have found that when I am affectionate, my husband is more loving to the whole family.

The last few weeks in our home have been really wonderful. There have been struggles, as always, but the way I respond has been different. The way I feel has been different. Landon and I are getting along and being nice and loving with each other, and if feels wonderful.

So today, I am grateful for the magnified returns I get for very little effort.

And my husband. He's great.

another list today

Today I am grateful for...
... good fiction and the escape it can provide
... husbands who do the dishes, especially while dancing to their ipod
... the company of grown ups
... Mason's new school and how excited he is to go
... Marissa's laughs
... playdates with my sisters' families

Mason, an exceptional boy

I've been struggling with Mason pretty much since I had Marissa. So today I will focus a little on why I am so incredibly lucky to be that little dude's mom.
Mason is great. Why? Well, many reasons.
Mason wants to please me. He tries hard to please me. He is eager to help me clean, make dinner, mow the lawn, take care of his sister, and anything else his little mind can come up with to please his crazy mom.
Mason is funny. He already has an acute sense of what is hilarious, most of the time intentionally. It always surprises me how funny he is on purpose. However, it is often the times when he isn't trying to be funny that crack me up the most. He likes to say, "You made me funny (or silly)" when we make him laugh. Too cute.
Mason is smart. Smarter than me, I think, already. His little brain gets going so fast sometimes that his mouth can't keep up. He remembers every little detail of so many things. He is intellectually curious and eager to learn more about pretty much anything. He wants me to identify every spider or insect we come across (too bad I don't much beyond daddy long legs...). He just devours any new information I can give him. And he's starting to figure out how to play any situation to his advantage. His brain works so much like Landon's, (who is brilliant) it's almost scary.
Mason is sweet and tender. He always comforts me when I'm upset or hurt, just the way I comfort him. He wants to kiss me and snuggle me and tell me that he "still" loves me. He is crushed when I am not happy with something he has done. My favorite thing he says lately is, "I love you, and you love me too. So let's kiss (or hug)." How can you not love that?
Mason is an awesome big brother. He ADORES Marissa and tries to include her in everything he does. He asks to have her in the bath with him. He climbs into bed with her every morning to play with her so his dad and I can sleep just a little bit longer. He LOVES when we "talk" for Marissa, and obviously can't wait until she can talk for herself. He comforts her when she's sad and plays games with her when ever he can. And in turn, his little sister is clearly in love with her big brother. She just thinks he's the greatest, funniest guy in the whole world.
Mason is a good boy. He has good manners, especially for a three year old. He thanks people and praises others when they have done something well or been nice to him. He tries hard to "use his words" rather than hit or yell when he is playing with other kids who have not been so nice. He tries to be helpful without being asked like watering the plants or feeding his sister. If you watch him, you can see that he tries hard to master his impulses, trying to do the things he knows he is supposed to, which is pretty darn impressive for a kid his age.
Mason is fun. He loves to have a good time and likes others to have fun too. He loves going to the beach, playing at the park and dancing with his mom. He wants to include others in his fun rather than keeping it to himself.
Mason is gorgeous. Okay, this is more due to an exceptional blend of genetics (I mean, who would have thought that Landon and I could make such amazingly cute kids?), but his personality definitely comes through and helps him be even more adorable and more attractive. He's just a really beautiful boy. I love watching him.
Part of this whole learning gratitude for me is really about learning to appreciate my family while I can. I know how fleeting life is, and I don't want to all of a sudden be twenty years down the road wishing I had savored the moments I had with my children while they were still small. I am blessed with a beautiful, happy, healthy family, but I often get caught up in the little frustrations of every day.
Yesterday, Mason decided he wanted to make some cereal for Marissa. He made a huge mess with the cereal but was trying to clean it up when I found him. He was apologetic about the mess. I got a little upset with him, but not too bad (for me at least). I should have thanked him for being such a good helper. Instead I scolded him for the mess. Who cares about the mess? I can clean up the stupid mess. Then later in the day, I discovered that Mason had watered our new orchid (he loves to pick out flowers when we go to Trader Joe's), apparently with the majority of a 16 oz bottle of water. He got a lot of things wet that I was really upset about... my camera, some important documents, some professional photographs of his sister, our phone. I freaked out. I yelled and criticized and otherwise carried on. It hurt his feelings so bad, but I just kept yelling. He said, "Momma, you hurt my feelings!" and I told him I didn't care. What an awful, awful thing to say to a sweet little boy who was just trying to water his flower. If I didn't want those things to get hurt, then I should have put them away rather than just have them laying around on the kitchen counter. If I didn't want Mason to spill, then I should have put away the opened water bottle rather than leave it well within his reach. He is three years old and is going to make some messes and do some things that I would rather he didn't. I can't control that, but I can control his environment. It is MY JOB to control his environment, and when I don't, it is my fault, not his.
I'm incredibly fortunate that Mason came to live at my house. He is such an amazing little boy. I need to work harder on remembering how lucky I am to be his mom.

a little about me...

I've been blessed with a multitude of talents, for which I am very grateful. I think my most outstanding talent might just be mad baking skillz. I like to bake when we have people over, and I seriously almost always impress myself. I try not to bake that often since Landon and I aren't exactly in the best shape, but damn! I sure enjoy the fruits of that labor. I am grateful for my ability to make the foods I enjoy most. There is something really satisfying about it for me.
Landon likes to tell people that my cheesecake was a deciding factor in whether he should marry me. It's that good. Come on over and I'll show you! : )

I am grateful....

... for the gratitude of others when I have done something for them.
I worked hard the last two days trying to work on things Landon would like me to do more, and he was very appreciative. In turn, that makes me want to do more stuff like that.
Gratitude is great like that. It helps us be better people. Which is why I want to be more grateful.

a sidenote

So this isn't really about gratitude today, but I am going to write about it anyway. Because I think it will be interesting later, regardless of the outcome.

I've felt pretty crappy for 4 days now. On Thursday, I was sure I was starting my period (hence Friday's post about chocolate cake and crazy lady). It didn't happen. I'm still feeling rather PMSy. So I bought a pregnancy test today despite the fact that Landon had a vasectomy two months ago. I'm probably being silly, but I can't get it out of my mind.

Potential reason(s):
I wasn't really ready for us to be sterile (although I'm sure Landon would scoff at my use of "us" here since he was the one who went under the knife). Even though I'm quite certain that I would be 100% happy if we didn't have any more kids, part of me is maybe a little sad that I am not going to have the big family I always thought I would (when I was like 12, I thought I would have six kids... conveniently there would be three of each gender. They had names, both first and middle, and I wrote about/to them in my diary... I am going to go ahead and blame that on being a Mormon, alright? Marissa Lee was one of the names, so that sorta happened.)

Anyhow, Landon thinks it's funny and has even gone so far as to say he would be willing to bet all our money (and we are thousandaires, after all : p) on me not being pregnant. I decided to wait one more night before taking the test. When I bought Marissa's test, I waited and dreamed about the outcome (Landon likes to call me the trivial psychic). Let's see if I dream the actual outcome this time too.

I will be happy regardless of the outcome of the test. I trust God.

I like pie

And today I am grateful for pie. And my awesome ability to make really yummy pie. MMM-mmm good!

Landon, the greatest husband in the world

Today I am grateful for Landon, the greatest husband in the world. Our last 36 hours together look something like this:
He gets home from work. I tell him I feel like crap and that I'm on the edge of being the crazy lady. He tells me he's sorry and lets me be.
He puts Mase to bed. I tell him I want chocolate cake. And ice cream. He immediately runs to the store and brings back two different chocolate cakes and ice cream. And Henry Weinhardt's rootbeer. Oh my goodness, I love this man. Then he lets me pick out the movie (this is pretty big for us) and we watch Amelie. Very nice.
Then this morning. . . He let me sleep in. Then he kept telling me how sorry he was that I wasn't feeling well. Then he came home from work really early. Then he took Mason and kept him busy all day. Then he let me be again this evening so I can be a bum and watch crap like what not to wear.
I love Landon. He's the best, best, best!