putting out... getting back

I am a brat. I am constantly looking at my situation trying to find ways in which it could be better. . . "This new townhouse is great, but it sure would be nice to have a garage. . ." or "I love my new camera, but a longer lens would be so much better. . ." Landon has spent the better part of the last ten years trying to do everything in his power to give me what I want only to feel afterward like he shouldn't have bothered because it never has been quite good enough. I like to blame this personality trait on my dad because he is the sort of person who is always trying to make things better. He is very critical of himself and pretty much everyone else, and I think it is definitely a personality trait that he passed on to most of his 7 kids. Today, however, I am going to choose to stop blaming that flaw on my dad and start taking ownership of my own inability to be grateful for what I have.

I have been working really hard the last few weeks on doing the little things that mean a lot to Landon. I've cooked dinner more in the last month than I did in probably the six months previous. That, alone, is huge for Landon. I've tried to do a general pick up of the house before Landon gets home at the end of the day. I've tried to be the one up with the kids in the morning so Landon can get a little more sleep since I have the opportunity to nap with the kids later in the day. I've tried really hard to pay attention to my personal appearance rather than looking like I just rolled out of bed. And I've worked hard on being affectionate and intimate with Landon every day, not just when I feel up to having sex. All of these things seem small, but I can tell what a difference they have made on my husband.

I have found that when I make dinner, I have a husband home by 6:30 to eat with us as a family. I have found that when the house is picked up, my husband is happier and better able to enjoy some time playing with the kids in the evening. I have found that when I get up with the kids during the week, my husband lets me sleep as much as I want on the weekend. I have found that when I put on some decent clothes and wear a little makeup and jewelry, my husband can't stop hugging me and telling me how beautiful I am. And I have found that when I am affectionate, my husband is more loving to the whole family.

The last few weeks in our home have been really wonderful. There have been struggles, as always, but the way I respond has been different. The way I feel has been different. Landon and I are getting along and being nice and loving with each other, and if feels wonderful.

So today, I am grateful for the magnified returns I get for very little effort.

And my husband. He's great.