To My Daughter

Dear Marissa,
Once upon a time, I was young like you. I had three older sisters and one younger sister, and at some point, I decided they were all much prettier than I. You see, I don't really remember when I decided that I was the "ugly one", but I can't remember not believing that, so I must have been quite young. There have been times throughout my life when I can recall looking in the mirror and feeling satisfied with what I saw, even a moment or two when I actually felt pretty, but mostly I've never much cared for my reflection -- my own face, my own body.
The first time I can really remember loving my body was right after I gave birth to your brother. I remember looking in the mirror at my new body, still misshapen after pregnancy, breasts full of the milk by body was making to meet your brother's specific needs, and feeling impressed and overwhelmingly grateful for my body and the miracles it had produced. I was amazed that my body had grown a tiny, perfect person and was now manufacturing the perfect food that little man needed to survive and even thrive.
Now, I am not so young. I still don't like looking at myself in the mirror, but I have mostly made peace with my appearance. I know that I have a strong body, a reliable body, and my face is pleasant enough. More importantly though, I know that my body is capable of great things. And even though I still usually feel like the ugly one when I am surrounded by my beautiful sisters, I know that my body produced two little perfect people, fed them, and cared for them with strength and tenderness.
It is my hope that you never struggle with the self-hate that I have dealt with most of my life. I look at your still very small body and just feel so grateful for how perfectly you are made. I think it weirds your dad out a bit, but I have such a great appreciation of each little part of your physical self, from your gap-tooth grin to your round booty to your stinky little feet. You are a beautiful little girl, and I hope that you always know that.
I love you.
Love,
Mom